WHOLE WORLD CRUSHING ON YOU

I'm not a happy-happy person. That's not me. That's not Josh. In my miserable state of being, I honestly seek refuge in simple things to make me happy. Am I too complicated? Do I want too much out of life? Maybe. I do know that nothing works easy for me or I have never walked out an absolute WINNER in anything. NEVER EVER. Never ever got the BIG breaks I needed.... When I get one good thing happening, the next one is far, far away... applies to everything... job, business, whatever.

I want to be able to smile, able to laugh... but I know when I do .... somehow the world around me HATES IT. The world complains about me being miserable but when I try to change to a shiny happy person, everyone like gets miserable around me. Weird.

Sometimes I feel like the killer in the movie Se7en. "In this world you have to really hit someone on the head to make that person listen to you" or something like that.

Anyway, kudos to my family and mel for putting up with me. I know I cant stand me. I am utterly convince.. iamnotahappyperson.